Alice was very nearly getting up and
saying, - Thank you, sir, for your interesting story, but she could not
help thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said
nothing.
- When we were little, - the Mock Turtle went on at last, more
calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, - we went to school in
the sea. The master was an old Turtle - we used to call him Tortoise
- Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one? - Alice asked.
- We called him Tortoise because he taught us, - said the Mock Turtle
angrily: - really you are very dull!
- You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple
question, - added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at
poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon
said to the Mock Turtle, - Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about
it! - and he went on in these words:
- Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it
- I never said I didn't! - interrupted Alice.
- You did, - said the Mock Turtle.
- Hold your tongue! - added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak
again. The Mock Turtle went on.
- We had the best of educations - in fact, we went to school every
day
- I'VE been to a day-school, too, - said Alice; - you needn't be so
proud as all that.
- With extras? - asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
- Yes, - said Alice, - we learned French and music.
- And washing? - said the Mock Turtle.
- Certainly not! - said Alice indignantly.
- Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school, - said the Mock Turtle
in a tone of great relief. - Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill,
- French, music, AND WASHING - extra.
- You couldn't have wanted it much, - said Alice; - living at the
bottom of the sea.
- I couldn't afford to learn it. - said the Mock Turtle with a sigh.
- I only took the regular course. - What was that? - inquired Alice. -
Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, - the Mock Turtle replied;
- and then the different branches of Arithmetic-Ambition, Distraction,
Uglification, and Derision.
- I never heard of - Uglification, - Alice ventured to say. - What is
it?
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. - What! Never heard
of uglifying! - it exclaimed. - You know what to beautify is, I suppose?
- Yes, - said Alice doubtfully: - it means - to - make - anything
prettier.
- Well, then, - the Gryphon went on, - if you don't know what to
uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so
she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said - What else had you to learn?
- Well, there was Mystery, - the Mock Turtle replied, counting off
the subjects on his flappers, - Mystery, ancient and modern, with
Seaography: then Drawling - the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
Fainting in Coils.
- What was THAT like? - said Alice.
- Well, I can't show it you myself, - the Mock Turtle said: - I'm too
stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.
- Hadn't time, - said the Gryphon: - I went to the Classics master,
though. He was an old crab, HE was.
- I never went to him, - the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: - he
taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.
- So he did, so he did, - said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and
both creatures hid their faces in their paws.
- And how many hours a day did you do lessons? - said Alice, in a
hurry to change the subject.
- Ten hours the first day, - said the Mock Turtle: - nine the next,
and so on.
- What a curious plan! - exclaimed Alice.
- That's the reason they're called lessons, - the Gryphon remarked: -
because they lessen from day to day. This was quite a new idea to Alice,
and she thought it over a little before she made her next remark. - Then
the eleventh day must have been a holiday?
- Of course it was, - said the Mock Turtle.
- And how did you manage on the twelfth? - Alice went on eagerly.
- That's enough about lessons, - the Gryphon interrupted in a very
decided tone: - tell her something about the games now.



CHAPTER X

The Lobster Quadrille

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper
across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute
or two sobs choked his voice. - Same as if he had a bone in his throat, -
said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in the
back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears running
down his cheeks, he went on again:
- You may not have lived much under the sea - (I haven't, - said
Alice) - and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster(Alice
began to say - I once tasted - but checked herself hastily, and said - No,
never') - so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster
Quadrille is!
- No, indeed, - said Alice. - What sort of a dance is it?
- Why, - said the Gryphon, - you first form into a line along the
sea-shore
- Two lines! - cried the Mock Turtle. - Seals, turtles, salmon, and
so on; then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way
- THAT generally takes some time, - interrupted the Gryphon.
- you advance twice
- Each with a lobster as a partner! - cried the Gryphon.
- Of course, - the Mock Turtle said: - advance twice, set to partners
- change lobsters, and retire in same order, - continued the Gryphon.
- Then, you know, - the Mock Turtle went on, - you throw the
- The lobsters! - shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
- as far out to sea as you can
- Swim after them! - screamed the Gryphon.
- Back to land again, and that's all the first figure, - said the
Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had
been jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very
sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice.
- It must be a very pretty dance, - said Alice timidly.
- Would you like to see a little of it? - said the Mock Turtle.
- Very much indeed, - said Alice.
- Come, let's try the first figure! - said the Mock Turtle to the
Gryphon. - We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?
- Oh, YOU sing, - said the Gryphon. - I've forgotten the words. So
they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and then
treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their forepaws
to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly and sadly:-
- Will you walk a little faster? - said a whiting to a snail.
- There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! They are waiting
on the shingle - will you come and join the dance? Will you, won't you,
will you, won't you, will you join the dance? Will you, won't you, will
you, won't you, won't you join the dance?

- You can really have no notion how delightful it will be When they
take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to
sea! - But the
snail replied - Too far, too far! - and gave a look
askance - Said
he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the
dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the
dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the
dance.

- What matters it how far we go? - his scaly friend replied. - There
is another shore, you know, upon the other side. The further off from
England the nearer is to France-Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but
come and join the dance.

Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?

- Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch, - said Alice,
feeling very glad that it was over at last: - and I do so like that
curious song about the whiting!
- Oh, as to the whiting, - said the Mock Turtle, - they - you've seen
them, of course?
- Yes, - said Alice, - I've often seen them at dinn - she checked
herself hastily.
- I don't know where Dinn may be, - said the Mock Turtle, - but if
you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're like.
- I believe so, - Alice replied thoughtfully. - They have their tails
in their mouths - and they're all over crumbs.
- You're wrong about the crumbs, - said the Mock Turtle: - crumbs
would all wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails in their mouths;
and the reason is - here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. - Tell
her about the reason and all that, - he said to the Gryphon.
- The reason is, - said the Gryphon, - that they WOULD go with the
lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall
a long way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't
get them out again. That's all.
- Thank you, - said Alice, - it's very interesting. I never knew so
much about a whiting before.
- I can tell you more than that, if you like, - said the Gryphon. -
Do you know why it's called a whiting?
- I never thought about it, - said Alice. - Why?
- IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES. - the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. - Does the boots and shoes! - she repeated
in a wondering tone.
- Why, what are YOUR shoes done with? - said the Gryphon. - I mean,
what makes them so shiny?
Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave
her answer. - They're done with blacking, I believe.
- Boots and shoes under the sea, - the Gryphon went on in a deep
voice, - are done with a whiting. Now you know.
- And what are they made of? - Alice asked in a tone of great
curiosity.
- Soles and eels, of course, - the Gryphon replied rather
impatiently: - any shrimp could have told you that.
- If I'd been the whiting, - said Alice, whose thoughts were still
running on the song, - I'd have said to the porpoise, - Keep back, please:
we don't want YOU with us!
- They were obliged to have him with them, - the Mock Turtle said: -
no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise. - Wouldn't it really? -
said Alice in a tone of great surprise. - Of course not, - said the Mock
Turtle: - why, if a fish came to ME, and told me he was going a journey, I
should say - With what porpoise?
- Don't you mean - purpose - ? - said Alice.
- I mean what I say, - the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone.
And the Gryphon added - Come, let's hear some of YOUR adventures.
- I could tell you my adventures - beginning from this morning, -
said Alice a little timidly: - but it's no use going back to yesterday,
because I was a different person then.
- Explain all that, - said the Mock Turtle.
- No, no! The adventures first, - said the Gryphon in an impatient
tone: - explanations take such a dreadful time.
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she
first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at
first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened
their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she gained courage as she went on.
Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about her
repeating - YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM, - to the Caterpillar, and the
words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
and said - That's very curious.
- It's all about as curious as it can be, - said the Gryphon.
- It all came different! - the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. - I
should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to begin. -
He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of authority
over Alice.
- Stand up and repeat - 'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD, - said the
Gryphon.
- How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!
thought Alice; - I might as well be at school at once. - However, she got
up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster
Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came
very queer indeed:

- 'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
- You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair. As a duck with
its eyelids, so he with his nose Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns
out his toes.

[later editions continued as follows
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]

- That's different from what I used to say when I was a child, - said
the Gryphon.
- Well, I never heard it before, - said the Mock Turtle; - but it
sounds uncommon nonsense.
Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands,
wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way again.
- I should like to have it explained, - said the Mock Turtle.
- She can't explain it, - said the Gryphon hastily. - Go on with the
next verse.
- But about his toes? - the Mock Turtle persisted. - How COULD he
turn them out with his nose, you know?
- It's the first position in dancing. - Alice said; but was
dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
- Go on with the next verse, - the Gryphon repeated impatiently: - it
begins - I passed by his garden.
Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come
wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:

- I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, How the Owl and
the Panther were sharing a pie

[later editions continued as follows
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
And concluded the banquet - ]

- What IS the use of repeating all that stuff, - the Mock Turtle
interrupted, - if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most
confusing thing I ever heard!
- Yes, I think you'd better leave off, - said the Gryphon: and Alice
was only too glad to do so.
- Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille? - the Gryphon
went on. - Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?
- Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind, - Alice
replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended toe,
- Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her - Turtle Soup, - will you,
old fellow?
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked
with sobs, to sing this:

- Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot tureen! Who for
such dainties would not stoop? Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! Soup
of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Soo - oop of the e - e - evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

- Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, Game, or any other dish? Who
would not give all else for two p ennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Beau - ootiful Soo - oop!
Soo - oop of the e - e - evening,
Beautiful, beauti - FUL SOUP!

- Chorus again! - cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just
begun to repeat it, when a cry of - The trial's beginning! - was heard in
the distance.
- Come on! - cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it
hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.
- What trial is it? - Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only
answered - Come on! - and ran the faster, while more and more faintly
came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:

- Soo - oop of the e - e - evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup!



CHAPTER XI

Who Stole the Tarts?

The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them - all sorts of little
birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him;
and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a
scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a
table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it
made Alice quite hungry to look at them - I wish they'd get the trial
done, - she thought, - and hand round the refreshments! - But there seemed
to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her, to
pass away the time.
Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read
about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the
name of nearly everything there. - That's the judge, - she said to
herself, - because of his great wig.
The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over
the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he
did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
- And that's the jury-box, - thought Alice, - and those twelve
creatures, - (she was obliged to say - creatures, - you see, because some
of them were animals, and some were birds,) - I suppose they are the
jurors. - She said this last word two or three times over to herself,
being rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few
little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, - jury-men
- would have done just as well.
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. - What are
they doing? - Alice whispered to the Gryphon. - They can't have anything
to put down yet, before the trial's begun.
- They're putting down their names, - the Gryphon whispered in reply,
- for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial. - Stupid
things! - Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily,
for the White Rabbit cried out, - Silence in the court! - and the King put
on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.
Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
that all the jurors were writing down - stupid things! - on their slates,
and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell -
stupid, - and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. - A nice
muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over! - thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice
could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very
soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that
the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all
what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged
to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very
little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
- Herald, read the accusation! - said the King. On this the White
Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment
scroll, and read as follows:

- The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!

- Consider your verdict, - the King said to the jury.
- Not yet, not yet! - the Rabbit hastily interrupted. - There's a
great deal to come before that!
- Call the first witness, - said the King; and the White Rabbit blew
three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, - First witness!
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one
hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. - I beg pardon, your
Majesty, - he began, - for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished
my tea when I was sent for.
- You ought to have finished, - said the King. - When did you begin?
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court,
arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. - Fourteenth of March, I think it was, - he
said.
- Fifteenth, - said the March Hare.
- Sixteenth, - added the Dormouse.
- Write that down, - the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly
wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
- Take off your hat, - the King said to the Hatter.
- It isn't mine, - said the Hatter.
- Stolen! - the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly
made a memorandum of the fact.
- I keep them to sell, - the Hatter added as an explanation; - I've
none of my own. I'm a hatter.
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the
Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
- Give your evidence, - said the King; - and don't be nervous, or
I'll have you executed on the spot.
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
form one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his
confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which
puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning
to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave
the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as
long as there was room for her.
- I wish you wouldn't squeeze so. - said the Dormouse, who was
sitting next to her. - I can hardly breathe.
- I can't help it, - said Alice very meekly: - I'm growing.
- You've no right to grow here, - said the Dormouse.
- Don't talk nonsense, - said Alice more boldly: - you know you're
growing too.
- Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace, - said the Dormouse: - not in
that ridiculous fashion. - And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to
the other side of the court.
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter,
and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the
officers of the court, - Bring me the list of the singers in the last
concert! - on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both
his shoes off.
- Give your evidence, - the King repeated angrily, - or I'll have you
executed, whether you're nervous or not.
- I'm a poor man, your Majesty, - the Hatter began, in a trembling
voice, - and I hadn't begun my tea - not above a week or so - and what
with the bread-and-butter getting so thin - and the twinkling of the tea
- The twinkling of the what? - said the King.
- It began with the tea, - the Hatter replied.
- Of course twinkling begins with a T! - said the King sharply. - Do
you take me for a dunce? Go on!
- I'm a poor man, - the Hatter went on, - and most things twinkled
after that - only the March Hare said
- I didn't! - said the Hatter.
- I deny it! - said the King: - leave out that part.
- Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said - the Hatter went on, looking
anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
nothing, being fast asleep.
- After that, - continued the Hatter, - I cut some more bread
and-butter
- But what did the Dormouse say? - one of the jury asked.
- That I can't remember, - said the Hatter.
- You MUST remember, - remarked the King, - or I'll have you
executed. The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter,
and went down on one knee. - I'm a poor man, your Majesty, - he began.
- You're a very poor speaker, - said the King. Here one of the
guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it
was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with
strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat
upon it.)
- I'm glad I've seen that done, - thought Alice. - I've so often read
in the newspapers, at the end of trials, - There was some attempts at
applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court, -
and I never understood what it meant till now.
- If that's all you know about it, you may stand down, - continued
the King.
- I can't go no lower, - said the Hatter: - I'm on the floor, as it
is.
- Then you may SIT down, - the King replied. Here the other
guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed. - Come, that finished the
guinea-pigs! - thought Alice. - Now we shall get on better.
- I'd rather finish my tea, - said the Hatter, with an anxious look
at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
- You may go, - said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the
court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
- and just take his head off outside, - the Queen added to one of the
officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to
the door.
- Call the next witness! - said the King. The next witness was the
Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed
who it was, even before she got into the court, by the way the people near
the door began sneezing all at once.
- Give your evidence, - said the King.
- Shan't, - said the cook. The King looked anxiously at the White
Rabbit, who said in a low voice, - Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS
witness.
- Well, if I must, I must, - the King said, with a melancholy air,
and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, - What are tarts made of?
- Pepper, mostly, - said the cook.
- Treacle, - said a sleepy voice behind her.
- Collar that Dormouse, - the Queen shrieked out. - Behead that
Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off
with his whiskers!
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the
Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the
cook had disappeared.
- Never mind! - said the King, with an air of great relief. - Call
the next witness. - And he added in an undertone to the Queen, - Really,
my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my
forehead ache!
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling
very curious to see what the next witness would be like, - for they
haven't got much evidence YET, - she said to herself. Imagine her
surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little
voice, the name - Alice!



CHAPTER XII

Alice's Evidence

- Here! - cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment
how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such
a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt,
upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish
she had accidentally upset the week before.
- Oh, I BEG your pardon! - she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay,
and began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident
of the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea
that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or
they would die.
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