- What CAN all that green stuff be? - said Alice. - And where HAVE my
shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you? She
was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except
a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head,
she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her
neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had
just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going to
dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops of
the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her
draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was
beating her violently with its wings.
- Serpent! - screamed the Pigeon.
- I'm NOT a serpent! - said Alice indignantly. - Let me alone!
- Serpent, I say again! - repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued
tone, and added with a kind of sob, - I've tried every way, and nothing
seems to suit them!
- I haven't the least idea what you're talking about, - said Alice.
- I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried
hedges, - the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; - but those
serpents! There's no pleasing them!
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in
saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
- As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs, - said the
Pigeon; - but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I
haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!
- I'm very sorry you've been annoyed, - said Alice, who was beginning
to see its meaning.
- And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood, - continued the
Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, - and just as I was thinking I
should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from
the sky! Ugh, Serpent!
- But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you! - said Alice. - I'm a - I'm a
- Well! WHAT are you? - said the Pigeon. - I can see you're trying to
invent something!
- I - I'm a little girl, - said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she
remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day.
- A likely story indeed! - said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest
contempt. - I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never ONE
with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use
denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an
egg!
- I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly, - said Alice, who was a very
truthful child; - but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do,
you know.
- I don't believe it, - said the Pigeon; - but if they do, why then
they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.
This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a
minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding,
- You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it
matter to me whether you're a little girl or a serpent?
- It matters a good deal to ME, - said Alice hastily; - but I'm not
looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I
don't like them raw.
- Well, be off, then! - said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it
settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as
well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches,
and every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she
remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and
she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the
other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that
it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes,
and began talking to herself, as usual. - Come, there's half my plan done
now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to
be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right size:
the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden - how IS that to be
done, I wonder? - As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open place,
with a little house in it about four feet high. - Whoever lives there, -
thought Alice, - it'll never do to come upon them THIS size: why, I should
frighten them out of their wits! - So she began nibbling at the righthand
bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she had brought
herself down to nine inches high.



CHAPTER VI

Pig and Pepper

For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering
what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the
wood - (she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery:
otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a fish) -
and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened by another
footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both
footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their
heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and crept a
little way out of the wood to listen.
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great
letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other,
saying, in a solemn tone, - For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen
to play croquet. - The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone,
only changing the order of the words a little, - From the Queen. An
invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.
Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the wood
for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the
Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the
door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked. - There's no sort of
use in knocking, - said the Footman, - and that for two reasons. First,
because I'm on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because
they're making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you. - And
certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on within - a
constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if
a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
- Please, then, - said Alice, - how am I to get in?
- There might be some sense in your knocking, - the Footman went on
without attending to her, - if we had the door between us. For instance,
if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know. -
He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this
Alice thought decidedly uncivil. - But perhaps he can't help it, - she
said to herself; - his eyes are so VERY nearly at the top of his head. But
at any rate he might answer questions. - How am I to get in? - she
repeated, aloud.
- I shall sit here, - the Footman remarked, - till tomorrow At this
moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came skimming out,
straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed his nose, and broke to
pieces against one of the trees behind him.
- or next day, maybe, - the Footman continued in the same tone,
exactly as if nothing had happened.
- How am I to get in? - asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
- ARE you to get in at all? - said the Footman. - That's the first
question, you know.
It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. - It's
really dreadful, - she muttered to herself, - the way all the creatures
argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!
The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
remark, with variations. - I shall sit here, - he said, - on and off, for
days and days.
- But what am I to do? - said Alice.
- Anything you like - said the Footman, and began whistling.
- Oh, there's no use in talking to him, - said Alice desperately: -
he's perfectly idiotic! - And she opened the door and went in. The door
led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one end to
the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle,
nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a large
cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
- There's certainly too much pepper in that soup! - Alice said to
herself, as well as she could for sneezing.
There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess
sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling
alternately without a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen that
did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on the
hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
- Please would you tell me, - said Alice, a little timidly, for she
was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, -
why your cat grins like that?
- It's a Cheshire cat, - said the Duchess, - and that's why. Pig! She
said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite jumped; but
she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby, and not to
her, so she took courage, and went on again:
I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't
know that cats COULD grin.
- They all can, - said the Duchess; - and most of 'em do.
- I don't know of any that do, - Alice said very politely, feeling
quite pleased to have got into a conversation.
- You don't know much, - said the Duchess; - and that's a fact. Alice
did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would be as
well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she was trying
to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at
once set to work throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and
the baby-the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans,
plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when they hit
her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it was quite
impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
- Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing! - cried Alice, jumping up and
down in an agony of terror. - Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose; - as an
unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
- If everybody minded their own business, - the Duchess said in a
hoarse growl, - the world would go round a deal faster than it does.
- Which would NOT be an advantage, - said Alice, who felt very glad
to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. - Just
think of what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth
takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis
- Talking of axes, - said the Duchess, - chop off her head! Alice
glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take the
hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to be
listening, so she went on again: - Twenty-four hours, I THINK; or is it
twelve? I
- Oh, don't bother ME, - said the Duchess; - I never could abide
figures! - And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort
of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end
of every line:

- Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.

CHORUS.

(In which the cook and the baby joined):

- Wow! wow! wow!

While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing
the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so, that
Alice could hardly hear the words:

- I speak severely to my boy,
I beat him when he sneezes;
For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases!

CHORUS.

- Wow! wow! wow!

- Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like! - the Duchess said to
Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. - I must go and get ready to
play croquet with the Queen, - and she hurried out of the room. The cook
threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer shaped
little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, - just
like a star-fish, - thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting like
a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute
or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was
to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right
ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried it
out into the open air. - IF I don't take this child away with me, -
thought Alice, - they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be
murder to leave it behind? - She said the last words out loud, and the
little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). -
Don't grunt, - said Alice; - that's not at all a proper way of expressing
yourself.
The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face
to see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had a
VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its eyes
were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not like the
look of the thing at all. - But perhaps it was only sobbing, - she
thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.
No, there were no tears. - If you're going to turn into a pig, my
dear, - said Alice, seriously, - I'll have nothing more to do with you.
Mind now! - The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was
impossible to say which), and they went on for some while in silence.
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, - Now, what am I to do
with this creature when I get it home? - when it grunted again, so
violently, that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time
there could be NO mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a
pig, and she felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it
further.
So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see
it trot away quietly into the wood. - If it had grown up, - she said to
herself, - it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes rather
a handsome pig, I think. - And she began thinking over other children she
knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying to herself, - if
one only knew the right way to change them when she was a little startled
by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off.
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- natured, she
thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great many teeth, so she felt
that it ought to be treated with respect.
- Cheshire Puss, - she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all
know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little
wider. - Come, it's pleased so far, - thought Alice, and she went on. -
Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
- That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, - said the
Cat.
- I don't much care where - said Alice.
- Then it doesn't matter which way you go, - said the Cat.
- so long as I get SOMEWHERE, - Alice added as an explanation.
- Oh, you're sure to do that, - said the Cat, - if you only walk long
enough.
Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another
question. - What sort of people live about here?
- In THAT direction, - the Cat said, waving its right paw round, -
lives a Hatter: and in THAT direction, - waving the other paw, - lives a
March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.
- But I don't want to go among mad people, - Alice remarked.
- Oh, you can't help that, - said the Cat: - we're all mad here. I'm
mad. You're mad.
- How do you know I'm mad? - said Alice.
- You must be, - said the Cat, - or you wouldn't have come here.
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on - And how
do you know that you're mad?
- To begin with, - said the Cat, - a dog's not mad. You grant that?
- I suppose so, - said Alice.
- Well, then, - the Cat went on, - you see, a dog growls when it's
angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased,
and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.
- I call it purring, not growling, - said Alice.
- Call it what you like, - said the Cat. - Do you play croquet with
the Queen to-day?
- I should like it very much, - said Alice, - but I haven't been
invited yet.
- You'll see me there, - said the Cat, and vanished. Alice was not
much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer things happening.
While she was looking at the place where it had been, it suddenly appeared
again.
- By-the-bye, what became of the baby? - said the Cat. - I'd nearly
forgotten to ask.
- It turned into a pig, - Alice quietly said, just as if it had come
back in a natural way.
- I thought it would, - said the Cat, and vanished again. Alice
waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not appear,
and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the
March Hare was said to live. - I've seen hatters before, she said to
herself; - the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps
as this is May it won't be raving mad - at least not so mad as it was in
March. - As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again,
sitting on a branch of a tree.
- Did you say pig, or fig? - said the Cat.
- I said pig, - replied Alice; - and I wish you wouldn't keep
appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make on quite giddy.
- All right, - said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly,
beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
- Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin, - thought Alice; - but
a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever say in my life!
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house
of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the
chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It was
so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had nibbled
some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two
feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to
herself - Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd
gone to see the Hatter instead!



CHAPTER VII

A Mad Tea-Party

There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the
March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting
between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion,
resting their elbows on it, and the talking over its head.
- Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse, - thought Alice; - only, as
it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.
The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at
one corner of it: - No room! No room! - they cried out when they saw Alice
coming. - There's PLENTY of room! - said Alice indignantly, and she sat
down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
- Have some wine, - the March Hare said in an encouraging tone. Alice
looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. - I don't
see any wine, - she remarked.
- There isn't any, - said the March Hare.
- Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it, - said Alice angrily.
- It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited, said
the March Hare.
- I didn't know it was YOUR table, - said Alice; - it's laid for a
great many more than three.
- Your hair wants cutting, - said the Hatter. He had been looking at
Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
- You should learn not to make personal remarks, - Alice said with
some severity; - it's very rude.
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID
was, - Why is a raven like a writing-desk?
- Come, we shall have some fun now! - thought Alice. - I'm glad
they've begun asking riddles. - I believe I can guess that, - she added
aloud.
- Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it? said
the March Hare.
- Exactly so, - said Alice.
- Then you should say what you mean, - the March Hare went on.
- I do, - Alice hastily replied; - at least - at least I mean what I
say - that's the same thing, you know.
- Not the same thing a bit! - said the Hatter. - You might just as
well say that - I see what I eat - is the same thing as - I eat what I see
- !
- You might just as well say, - added the March Hare, - that - I like
what I get - is the same thing as - I get what I like - !
- You might just as well say, - added the Dormouse, who seemed to be
talking in his sleep, - that - I breathe when I sleep - is the same thing
as - I sleep when I breathe - !
- It IS the same thing with you, - said the Hatter, and here the
conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice
thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which
wasn't much.
The Hatter was the first to break the silence. - What day of the
month is it? - he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of
his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then,
and holding it to his ear.
Alice considered a little, and then said - The fourth. - Two days
wrong! - sighed the Hatter. - I told you butter wouldn't suit the works! -
he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
- It was the BEST butter, - the March Hare meekly replied.
- Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well, - the Hatter
grumbled: - you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he
dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think
of nothing better to say than his first remark, - It was the BEST butter,
you know.
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. - What
a funny watch! - she remarked. - It tells the day of the month, and
doesn't tell what o'clock it is!
- Why should it? - muttered the Hatter. - Does YOUR watch tell you
what year it is?
- Of course not, - Alice replied very readily: - but that's because
it stays the same year for such a long time together.
- Which is just the case with MINE, - said the Hatter. Alice felt
dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of meaning
in it, and yet it was certainly English. - I don't quite understand you, -
she said, as politely as she could.
- The Dormouse is asleep again, - said the Hatter, and he poured a
little hot tea upon its nose.
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening
its eyes, - Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.
- Have you guessed the riddle yet? - the Hatter said, turning to
Alice again.
- No, I give it up, - Alice replied: - that's the answer?
- I haven't the slightest idea, - said the Hatter.
- Nor I, - said the March Hare. Alice sighed wearily. - I think you
might do something better with the time, - she said, - than waste it in
asking riddles that have no answers.
- If you knew Time as well as I do, - said the Hatter, - you wouldn't
talk about wasting IT. It's HIM.
- I don't know what you mean, - said Alice.
- Of course you don't! - the Hatter said, tossing his head
contemptuously. - I dare say you never even spoke to Time!
- Perhaps not, - Alice cautiously replied: - but I know I have to
beat time when I learn music.
- Ah! that accounts for it, - said the Hatter. - He won't stand
beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost
anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine
o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to
whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past
one, time for dinner!
( - I only wish it was, - the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.
) - That would be grand, certainly, - said Alice thoughtfully: - but then
- I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.
- Not at first, perhaps, - said the Hatter: - but you could keep it
to half-past one as long as you liked.
- Is that the way YOU manage? - Alice asked. The Hatter shook his
head mournfully. - Not I! - he replied. - We quarrelled last March - just
before HE went mad, you know - (pointing with his tea spoon at the March
Hare,) - it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I
had to sing

- Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at!
You know the song, perhaps?

- I've heard something like it, - said Alice.
- It goes on, you know, - the Hatter continued, - in this way:

- Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle -

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle - and went on so long that they
had to pinch it to make it stop.

- Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse, - said the Hatter, -
when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, - He's murdering the time! Off
with his head!
- How dreadfully savage! - exclaimed Alice.
- And ever since that, - the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, - he
won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.
A bright idea came into Alice's head. - Is that the reason so many
tea-things are put out here? - she asked.
- Yes, that's it, - said the Hatter with a sigh: - it's always
tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.
- Then you keep moving round, I suppose? - said Alice.
- Exactly so, - said the Hatter: - as the things get used up.
- But what happens when you come to the beginning again? - Alice
ventured to ask.
- Suppose we change the subject, - the March Hare interrupted,
yawning. - I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a
story.
- I'm afraid I don't know one, - said Alice, rather alarmed at the
proposal.
- Then the Dormouse shall! - they both cried. - Wake up, Dormouse!
And they pinched it on both sides at once.
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. - I wasn't asleep, - he said in
a hoarse, feeble voice: - I heard every word you fellows were saying.
- Tell us a story! - said the March Hare.
- Yes, please do! - pleaded Alice.
- And be quick about it, - added the Hatter, - or you'll be asleep
again before it's done.
- Once upon a time there were three little sisters, - the Dormouse
began in a great hurry; - and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie;
and they lived at the bottom of a well
- What did they live on? - said Alice, who always took a great
interest in questions of eating and drinking.
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